Saturday, August 7, 2010

High Drama Blog Fest


If you somehow missed the news, DL Hammons is hosting the High Drama Blog Fest today. Check out his blog Cruising Altitude to find the list of bloggers participating.

I enjoy visiting blogfests, but don't usually join them because of the time factor. I don't get much writing time as is, and would rather focus on my ms for the most part. But it's summer time and DL's lead up posts were so much fun I couldn't resist. :)

I decided to write a piece specifically for the blogfest rather than use a piece from my ms. So here we go...

***
Fog curled through the brush. Hopefully it would conceal her. Had he seen her or found her tracks? She leaned back against the tree, fought her breathing under control. She couldn’t let nerves betray her presence.

Not many people had true patience. They didn’t wait. Couldn’t stay still. He did and could so she had to as well.

Maybe she should run, take her chances. But he’d hear her. It hadn’t rained in weeks. Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground.

Staying still didn’t get her to safety though. She needed to move. Remaining meant certain death.

When she couldn’t take it anymore, she eased up from her crouch, loosened muscles without shifting her feet. Her dark jacket and jeans had been a fortunate choice, she should blend in with the shadows. Her eyes moved continually as she leaned forward and peeked around the tree.

Nothing. She waited, but didn’t shift her weight. Patience.

One careful step. Wait. Another.

She traveled for twenty minutes before she heard a branch snap and froze. A bird? Squirrel? Or him?

The way her luck had gone? Him.

Keeping her weight squarely over her feet, she slowly lowered into a runner’s stance. Carefully she placed one hand on the ground for balance. She eased her head to the right. The sound had been behind her. Nothing moved in the shadows, but the light was fading rapidly.

A cold ring of steel touched her neck. She forced back the fury and kept very still. As long as she lived, there was hope.

“Where’d you bury him?”

She smiled, hope indeed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“One chance, Laura.”

“You’re a cop. You’re not going to shoot me.”

He cracked the safety back. “He was nine. Where’s the grave?”

Always hope. “What’s it worth?”

“Same as you. Nothing.”

Damn.

Her skull erupted, then nothing at all.

***
Thanks for dropping by! Remember to click on DL's link and check out the other entries :)

122 comments:

  1. You reminded me about the blogfrest! I don't usually enter either, b/c of time. But this one sounded great...Now I'll write something up and post it this afternoon.

    As to yours...You don't share your writing here very often, and now I want to see more! Love the subtle drama here, the way it takes a while to build.

    Michele
    SouthernCityMysteries

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  2. Thanks Michele - time is always a factor here too. It's hard.

    Plus I don't like putting my wip up - I'd rather write something new :) I'll check yours out later on!

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  3. OH, Jemi, I LOVE this piece! The pacing is swift, the writing tight. Very well done.
    Love this line:Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground.
    Love the cops last line, too.

    Good stuff.
    Love,
    Lola

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  4. Lola - thanks so much - you're such a sweetie :) Have a great weekend!

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  5. Jemi, you have created the most wonderful mix of info and your great thoughts and just plain fun!

    Thanks for the scoop.
    Patti

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  6. Patti - Thanks so much :)

    Hope you enjoy visiting some of the other posts.

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  7. Drama! The unexpected twist was a great idea.
    She let the evil crack through the surface at the end.

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  8. Oh wow! Great piece Jemi. Very dramatic. Loved the ending. Well done!

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  9. Thanks Elaine! I hoped it would be unexpected :)

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  10. Thanks Renae :)

    I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  11. Thanks Courtney - glad you enjoyed it :)

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  12. You did an awesome job of building tension. I actually caught myself stiffening with her. The ending was a great shock. Love this! :-)

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  13. Well done, Jemi:)

    You don't often share what you're working on, making this post an anticipated surprise.

    Loved the pace, giving it a style all your own.
    You've got skills:)

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  14. Wow, that was amazing! My pulse was racing the whole time. You've got a lot of talent!

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  15. Great pacing!

    My favorite line was about the red, orange, and yellow alarms- that was awesome!

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  16. Thanks Shannon - it was fun to write :)

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  17. Awww - thanks Elliot :)

    You're right - I don't often share my stuff. A friend of mine had her agent tell her not to put up any of her work - and she had to take down all her past stuff, so I just don't put it up in the first place :)

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  18. Thanks Susan - what a nice thing to say - I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

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  19. Thanks Holly - glad you enjoyed the piece!

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  20. Stephanie - thanks so much! I'm glad you like that line - it was my favourite too :)

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  21. I so want the rest of the story!
    Truly amazing.

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  22. Thanks Mary - it was fun to write :) Glad you enjoyed it.

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  23. Hi,

    Wow! Dynamic piece of writing and chill ending.

    best
    F

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  24. Great piece of work. Loved the twist!

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  25. Holy crap! That was fantastic. I especially liked this line: "Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground." Indeed, the crackle of autumn leaves would be an effective alarm system. The atmosphere and setting were captured very well with very little description. Excellently written.

    I would like more, please. ;-)

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  26. This was a good quick read. the flow was well done. my favorite line: "
    The way her luck had gone? Him." it just manages to back a big enough punch to stop and think about. hanks for posting!

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  27. I really liked this.

    I'm following your blog.

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  28. Good luck. Like yourself, the time factor prevents me from participating. But it looks like fun. Have a great weekend.

    Stephen Tremp

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  29. Francine - thanks so much :) Twists are so much fun!

    Thanks for dropping by!

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  30. Jarmara - thans for dropping by :)

    Glad you liked the twist - it's fun when things don't go as expected!

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  31. Sharon - Thanks! :) Your comments are so sweet! I never use much description, so I'm glad it was obvious what happened :)

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  32. Summer - thanks - I'm glad that line worked :)

    Thanks for dropping by!

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  33. Charles - I'm so glad - thank you!

    Welcome to Just Jemi! :)

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  34. Stephen - time is always such a factor isn't it? It's hard to get everything in. Enjoy the weekend! :)

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  35. Great job, Jemi! I loved this line too: Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground. Awesome image.

    Tension so high throughout--I know exactly how she felt, muscles screaming to run, but mind telling them to stay still. Horrible feeling.

    And very nice ending.

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  36. The drama was subtle, but effective. Good job!

    One quibble: The lines "The way her luck had gone? Him" were certainly funny, but unecessary; they distracted me from the general drama of the piece, and it would have gone on great without it.

    No worries, though. I apparently do the same with my writing. :]

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  37. Summer - thanks - I had fun with it. :)

    It isn't a good feeling with that kind of tension inside.

    Glad you enjoyed it.

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  38. Thanks Amanda - glad you enjoyed it.

    I actually flipped between keeping that line in or taking it out. :) Thanks for the input.

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  39. Great job with this, Jemi! You nailed the physicality of Laura's movements and emotional state. My favorite line was definitely, "Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground."

    Awesome!

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  40. Thanks Nicole :)

    I'm glad you enjoyed it - it was fun to write.

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  41. You surprised me moment after moment up to the end. Great story!

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  42. Thanks Mari :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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  43. Whoa. Didn't expect the ending.

    Like Lola I loved the 'alarms' line with the colors on the ground, very artfully done.

    Excellent entry- thank you for posting it!!

    bru

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  44. February - thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

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  45. Yikes! At first you are with her, and then the twist — she is the bad guy. Great vignette! :)

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  46. Thanks Layinda :) I'm glad it was obvious enough - that it worked.

    And I'm so glad you were able to comment without difficulties this time! Awesome :)

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  47. That was an interesting entry that had me engrossed. I agree about not using a WIP for a blogfest. It's more challenging to just pull something out your spontaneous imagination.

    Good job.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  48. Thanks Lee :)

    It definitely more challenging - and more time consuming! I wish I could enter them all!

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  49. I liked "The way her luck had gone? Him."
    It amplifies the sympathy we feel for the character, which makes us all the more surprised at the end. Nice twist.

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  50. Thanks Kathryn :)

    That was a line I went back and forth about including - funny how that happens :)

    Thanks for dropping by!

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  51. Ohhhhhhhhh Jemi...I love the way your mind works!! That was fantabulous! And the twist that makes the reader question everything that preceded it, genius! I too loved the Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground. line.

    Thank you so much for offering this up for my blogfest! It was such a treat. :)

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  52. Thanks so much DL :)

    I so glad the twist was a hit - you just never know when you write things how they'll be received by others.

    It's been a terrific blogfest - I've read so many wonderful entries. Congratulations on the success - well done!! :)

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  53. Excellent!
    LOVED the ending!
    and this line:
    "The way her luck had gone? Him."
    so good!

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  54. Aspiring x - thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I toyed with taking out the line you liked - glad I didn't :)

    Thanks so much for dropping by!

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  55. Outstanding build up of tension with a great payoff at the end. Beautifully done! So glad you finally had time to share your work. What a treat!

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  56. Very dramatic!!
    I love the ending...
    Thanks for the nice post. really enjoy the story line.
    xx nensa

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  57. Each line I read divulged a little more of the plot, and the characters. I'm awed at how subtley you built is all, kept the tension hight, moving the pace along.

    Very well done.

    ........dhole

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  58. Jemi, this was a great piece! I’m glad you decided to join this blogfest :)
    Your dialogue was very realistic and pacing was really good, the words just flows... Well done!

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  59. Thanks VR! It was a fun scene to create - I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

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  60. Nensa -- thank you! I had fun making this scene for the blogfest. I'm glad you liked reading it! :)

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  61. Donna - thank you! It was fun building the scene - I'm so glad you feel the tension worked :) It's nice to get some great feedback on what works - thanks!

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  62. Thanks Lua :)

    I usually just can't find the time for blogfests & they're so much fun! I'm glad you enjoyed the scene. Dialogue is always my favourite part to write!

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  63. Great selection for the blogfest, Jemi!

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  64. Thanks Alex - it was fun to write :)

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  65. Wow, Jemi, that was excellent! I'm impressed! You're talented.

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  66. Aww - thanks Dawn! You're so sweet :)

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  67. Addicted! I don't get the pleasure of reading any of your work very often so this was very special... very special!!

    My favorite line: Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground (beautiful, absolutely beautiful)

    Happy Sunday!

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  68. Wow, Jemi - thanks for sharing this. The ending took me by surprise. Great read!

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  69. Jen - thanks so very much! I so glad you enjoyed reading it - it was just a fun scene I put together for the blog fest :)

    Happy Sunday too!

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  70. Belle - thanks! I appreciate it :)

    I'm glad the twist ending worked!

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  71. OMG, that was crazy intense. Great work, killer ending! This caught me:

    "Not many people had true patience. They didn’t wait. Couldn’t stay still. He did and could so she had to as well."

    Love it!

    —Portia

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  72. Thanks Portia! I'm so glad you enjoyed the scene. :) It was sure fun to write!

    Thanks so much for dropping by!

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  73. Wow, you just whipped that up? I want to read the rest of the story.

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  74. Susan - thanks - glad to hear it was intriguing! It might be fun to make it more than a 300-ish word story :)

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  75. YIKES! Great story, Jemi! And I didn't see the end coming!

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  76. Whoa! Serious action! Very intense, Jemi. Nicely done!

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  77. Beth - thanks so much :)

    So glad the twist worked! Thanks!

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  78. Carol - Thanks!

    Glad you enjoyed it - thanks again :)

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  79. Jemi,
    I know you've received a lot of awards lately and you've gotten behind, but I just had to pass one along to you. You'll find it on my blog Friday.
    Karen

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  80. Karen - thank you! You're such a sweetie!!

    It has been absolutely nuts around here - and yup I'm WAY behind on some things :) Thanks so much!

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  81. Pow! Great start and great unexpected end. Nice one :)
    Lyn
    W.I.P. It: A Writer's Journey

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  82. Julie - Thanks - glad you enjoyed it :)

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  83. Lynda - Thanks :)

    It's always fun to write a twist isn't it? :)

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  84. Cool, Jemi! Such suspense. :o) I loved it.

    Thanks for sharing! Have a great week.

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  85. Thanks Jackee - I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

    Enjoy the week too!

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  86. Excellent! You had me thinking she was the victim being stalked by a killer (which was, as it turned out, the truth). But the twist was that she was the evil one. Loved it.

    Helen

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  87. Wow! That's quite the ending! Love it, Jemi.

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  88. Helen - Thanks :) I'm so glad the twist wasn't obvious at the beginning!

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  89. Thanks Talli - It was sure a fun scene to write :)

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  90. I don't participate in these because I'm just not organized enough - but yours is awesome. Well done Jemi!

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  91. Matthew - lol - that's a very good reason! It's so hard to get it all in!

    Thanks so much - glad you enjoyed it :)

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  92. Good job. You've mastered the art of using short sentences to build tension.

    Patricia

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  93. Damn Woman!! I already cared about her getting away and you go and blow her brains out!! Nice writing.

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  94. Patricia - thanks :)

    I love my short sentences - I have to go through first drafts and combine tons of short ones to change up the flow a little.

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  95. Lisa Gail - lol :)

    Sorry!! Glad you enjoyed it :)

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  96. Great job on the blogfest! What an ending!

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  97. Thanks Lydia - I'm glad you thought it all worked out well :)

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  98. Thanks Kristi - I'm glad the scene managed to keep you in the story :)

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  99. Dang it. What an ending. It was a slice - I couldn't tell who was bad and who was good. But I rooted for the protagonist anyway.

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  100. Theresa - thanks! It's usually the 'good guy' introduced first, so I thought this would be fun :) Glad it worked!

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  101. how interesting! You got some great description in there. Loved the part where you called the leaves 'yellow red and orange alarms.' Thanks for sharing!

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  102. Thanks Tamara - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

    It's probably my favourite line in the piece too :)

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  103. Love it Jemi! I LOVE the beginning =) I'm totally intrigued and want to know way more of the premise! Even if the ending makes me sad, lol.

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  104. Thanks Sara! It was fun to write - even with the sad ending! I'm usually all about those Disney endings :)

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  105. Jemi! You are such a brilliant writer, girl! Wow, talk about true drama! Thanks for sharing your wonderful works! :D

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  106. Awww - thanks Elizabeth! I'm so glad you found it worthwhile reading - I appreciate it :)

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  107. If it weren't for the "time factor" I could participate in a lot of fun stuff. But like you, I usually don't participate in blogfests. However, I'm glad you did because this piece was fantastic! Great job!!

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  108. Thanks Kimberly - what a nice thing to say :) I appreciate it!

    Time is so hard to come by, isn't it? We need a time fairy to create a little bit more!

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  109. Wow Jemi, that was great. I got so engrossed I dropped my chocolate on the floor (and you KNOW that's saying something for me)

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  110. Very well done with a nice amount of tension. Thanks for sharing... a great read!

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  111. WOW! You've been keeping a sneaky secret from us - that you're a FANTASTIC writer! You should post more!! MORE!!

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  112. Oh wow. I particularly liked the line "Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground."

    That was just great.

    Also, I left you a little something on my blog!

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  113. Cate - yikes! Dropped chocolate is a SERIOUS compliment! :) Thanks!

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  114. Thanks India - I appreciate the kind words :)

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  115. Terry Lynn - Awwww - thanks - you're such a sweetie! I'm so glad you liked it :)

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  116. Rebecca - thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the line :)

    I just got in from out of town - I'll pop on over once I'm caught up! Thank you!!

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