Saturday, August 7, 2010

High Drama Blog Fest


If you somehow missed the news, DL Hammons is hosting the High Drama Blog Fest today. Check out his blog Cruising Altitude to find the list of bloggers participating.

I enjoy visiting blogfests, but don't usually join them because of the time factor. I don't get much writing time as is, and would rather focus on my ms for the most part. But it's summer time and DL's lead up posts were so much fun I couldn't resist. :)

I decided to write a piece specifically for the blogfest rather than use a piece from my ms. So here we go...

***
Fog curled through the brush. Hopefully it would conceal her. Had he seen her or found her tracks? She leaned back against the tree, fought her breathing under control. She couldn’t let nerves betray her presence.

Not many people had true patience. They didn’t wait. Couldn’t stay still. He did and could so she had to as well.

Maybe she should run, take her chances. But he’d hear her. It hadn’t rained in weeks. Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground.

Staying still didn’t get her to safety though. She needed to move. Remaining meant certain death.

When she couldn’t take it anymore, she eased up from her crouch, loosened muscles without shifting her feet. Her dark jacket and jeans had been a fortunate choice, she should blend in with the shadows. Her eyes moved continually as she leaned forward and peeked around the tree.

Nothing. She waited, but didn’t shift her weight. Patience.

One careful step. Wait. Another.

She traveled for twenty minutes before she heard a branch snap and froze. A bird? Squirrel? Or him?

The way her luck had gone? Him.

Keeping her weight squarely over her feet, she slowly lowered into a runner’s stance. Carefully she placed one hand on the ground for balance. She eased her head to the right. The sound had been behind her. Nothing moved in the shadows, but the light was fading rapidly.

A cold ring of steel touched her neck. She forced back the fury and kept very still. As long as she lived, there was hope.

“Where’d you bury him?”

She smiled, hope indeed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“One chance, Laura.”

“You’re a cop. You’re not going to shoot me.”

He cracked the safety back. “He was nine. Where’s the grave?”

Always hope. “What’s it worth?”

“Same as you. Nothing.”

Damn.

Her skull erupted, then nothing at all.

***
Thanks for dropping by! Remember to click on DL's link and check out the other entries :)

119 comments:

JournoMich said...

You reminded me about the blogfrest! I don't usually enter either, b/c of time. But this one sounded great...Now I'll write something up and post it this afternoon.

As to yours...You don't share your writing here very often, and now I want to see more! Love the subtle drama here, the way it takes a while to build.

Michele
SouthernCityMysteries

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Michele - time is always a factor here too. It's hard.

Plus I don't like putting my wip up - I'd rather write something new :) I'll check yours out later on!

Lola Sharp said...

OH, Jemi, I LOVE this piece! The pacing is swift, the writing tight. Very well done.
Love this line:Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground.
Love the cops last line, too.

Good stuff.
Love,
Lola

Jemi Fraser said...

Lola - thanks so much - you're such a sweetie :) Have a great weekend!

patti said...

Jemi, you have created the most wonderful mix of info and your great thoughts and just plain fun!

Thanks for the scoop.
Patti

Jemi Fraser said...

Patti - Thanks so much :)

Hope you enjoy visiting some of the other posts.

Unknown said...

Drama! The unexpected twist was a great idea.
She let the evil crack through the surface at the end.

Renae said...

Oh wow! Great piece Jemi. Very dramatic. Loved the ending. Well done!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Elaine! I hoped it would be unexpected :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Renae :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

Love it!!! Ending was awesome!!

Wonderful entry!

Visit My Kingdom Anytime

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Courtney - glad you enjoyed it :)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

You did an awesome job of building tension. I actually caught myself stiffening with her. The ending was a great shock. Love this! :-)

Elliot Grace said...

Well done, Jemi:)

You don't often share what you're working on, making this post an anticipated surprise.

Loved the pace, giving it a style all your own.
You've got skills:)

Susan Fields said...

Wow, that was amazing! My pulse was racing the whole time. You've got a lot of talent!

Southpaw said...

Very nice and very unexpected.

Stephanie Thornton said...

Great pacing!

My favorite line was about the red, orange, and yellow alarms- that was awesome!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Shannon - it was fun to write :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Awww - thanks Elliot :)

You're right - I don't often share my stuff. A friend of mine had her agent tell her not to put up any of her work - and she had to take down all her past stuff, so I just don't put it up in the first place :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Susan - what a nice thing to say - I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Holly - glad you enjoyed the piece!

Jemi Fraser said...

Stephanie - thanks so much! I'm glad you like that line - it was my favourite too :)

Mary@GigglesandGuns said...

I so want the rest of the story!
Truly amazing.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Mary - it was fun to write :) Glad you enjoyed it.

Francine Howarth said...

Hi,

Wow! Dynamic piece of writing and chill ending.

best
F

Paula RC said...

Great piece of work. Loved the twist!

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! That was fantastic. I especially liked this line: "Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground." Indeed, the crackle of autumn leaves would be an effective alarm system. The atmosphere and setting were captured very well with very little description. Excellently written.

I would like more, please. ;-)

Summer Ross said...

This was a good quick read. the flow was well done. my favorite line: "
The way her luck had gone? Him." it just manages to back a big enough punch to stop and think about. hanks for posting!

Charles Forgues said...

I really liked this.

I'm following your blog.

Anonymous said...

Good luck. Like yourself, the time factor prevents me from participating. But it looks like fun. Have a great weekend.

Stephen Tremp

Jemi Fraser said...

Francine - thanks so much :) Twists are so much fun!

Thanks for dropping by!

Jemi Fraser said...

Jarmara - thans for dropping by :)

Glad you liked the twist - it's fun when things don't go as expected!

Jemi Fraser said...

Sharon - Thanks! :) Your comments are so sweet! I never use much description, so I'm glad it was obvious what happened :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Summer - thanks - I'm glad that line worked :)

Thanks for dropping by!

Jemi Fraser said...

Charles - I'm so glad - thank you!

Welcome to Just Jemi! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Stephen - time is always such a factor isn't it? It's hard to get everything in. Enjoy the weekend! :)

Summer Frey said...

Great job, Jemi! I loved this line too: Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground. Awesome image.

Tension so high throughout--I know exactly how she felt, muscles screaming to run, but mind telling them to stay still. Horrible feeling.

And very nice ending.

Anonymous said...

The drama was subtle, but effective. Good job!

One quibble: The lines "The way her luck had gone? Him" were certainly funny, but unecessary; they distracted me from the general drama of the piece, and it would have gone on great without it.

No worries, though. I apparently do the same with my writing. :]

Jemi Fraser said...

Summer - thanks - I had fun with it. :)

It isn't a good feeling with that kind of tension inside.

Glad you enjoyed it.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Amanda - glad you enjoyed it.

I actually flipped between keeping that line in or taking it out. :) Thanks for the input.

Unknown said...

Great job with this, Jemi! You nailed the physicality of Laura's movements and emotional state. My favorite line was definitely, "Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground."

Awesome!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Nicole :)

I'm glad you enjoyed it - it was fun to write.

Mari said...

You surprised me moment after moment up to the end. Great story!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Mari :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

February Grace said...

Whoa. Didn't expect the ending.

Like Lola I loved the 'alarms' line with the colors on the ground, very artfully done.

Excellent entry- thank you for posting it!!

bru

Jemi Fraser said...

February - thanks! I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

Anonymous said...

Yikes! At first you are with her, and then the twist — she is the bad guy. Great vignette! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Layinda :) I'm glad it was obvious enough - that it worked.

And I'm so glad you were able to comment without difficulties this time! Awesome :)

Arlee Bird said...

That was an interesting entry that had me engrossed. I agree about not using a WIP for a blogfest. It's more challenging to just pull something out your spontaneous imagination.

Good job.

Lee
Tossing It Out

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Lee :)

It definitely more challenging - and more time consuming! I wish I could enter them all!

kathrynjankowski said...

I liked "The way her luck had gone? Him."
It amplifies the sympathy we feel for the character, which makes us all the more surprised at the end. Nice twist.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Kathryn :)

That was a line I went back and forth about including - funny how that happens :)

Thanks for dropping by!

DL Hammons said...

Ohhhhhhhhh Jemi...I love the way your mind works!! That was fantabulous! And the twist that makes the reader question everything that preceded it, genius! I too loved the Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground. line.

Thank you so much for offering this up for my blogfest! It was such a treat. :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks so much DL :)

I so glad the twist was a hit - you just never know when you write things how they'll be received by others.

It's been a terrific blogfest - I've read so many wonderful entries. Congratulations on the success - well done!! :)

vic caswell said...

Excellent!
LOVED the ending!
and this line:
"The way her luck had gone? Him."
so good!

Jemi Fraser said...

Aspiring x - thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I toyed with taking out the line you liked - glad I didn't :)

Thanks so much for dropping by!

VR Barkowski said...

Outstanding build up of tension with a great payoff at the end. Beautifully done! So glad you finally had time to share your work. What a treat!

NENSA MOON said...

Very dramatic!!
I love the ending...
Thanks for the nice post. really enjoy the story line.
xx nensa

dolorah said...

Each line I read divulged a little more of the plot, and the characters. I'm awed at how subtley you built is all, kept the tension hight, moving the pace along.

Very well done.

........dhole

Lua said...

Jemi, this was a great piece! I’m glad you decided to join this blogfest :)
Your dialogue was very realistic and pacing was really good, the words just flows... Well done!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks VR! It was a fun scene to create - I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Nensa -- thank you! I had fun making this scene for the blogfest. I'm glad you liked reading it! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Donna - thank you! It was fun building the scene - I'm so glad you feel the tension worked :) It's nice to get some great feedback on what works - thanks!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Lua :)

I usually just can't find the time for blogfests & they're so much fun! I'm glad you enjoyed the scene. Dialogue is always my favourite part to write!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Great selection for the blogfest, Jemi!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Alex - it was fun to write :)

Dawn Simon said...

Wow, Jemi, that was excellent! I'm impressed! You're talented.

Jemi Fraser said...

Aww - thanks Dawn! You're so sweet :)

Unknown said...

Addicted! I don't get the pleasure of reading any of your work very often so this was very special... very special!!

My favorite line: Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground (beautiful, absolutely beautiful)

Happy Sunday!

Belle said...

Wow, Jemi - thanks for sharing this. The ending took me by surprise. Great read!

Jemi Fraser said...

Jen - thanks so very much! I so glad you enjoyed reading it - it was just a fun scene I put together for the blog fest :)

Happy Sunday too!

Jemi Fraser said...

Belle - thanks! I appreciate it :)

I'm glad the twist ending worked!

Portia said...

OMG, that was crazy intense. Great work, killer ending! This caught me:

"Not many people had true patience. They didn’t wait. Couldn’t stay still. He did and could so she had to as well."

Love it!

—Portia

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Portia! I'm so glad you enjoyed the scene. :) It was sure fun to write!

Thanks so much for dropping by!

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Wow, you just whipped that up? I want to read the rest of the story.

Jemi Fraser said...

Susan - thanks - glad to hear it was intriguing! It might be fun to make it more than a 300-ish word story :)

Beth Zimmerman said...

YIKES! Great story, Jemi! And I didn't see the end coming!

Carolina M. Valdez Schneider said...

Whoa! Serious action! Very intense, Jemi. Nicely done!

Jemi Fraser said...

Beth - thanks so much :)

So glad the twist worked! Thanks!

Jemi Fraser said...

Carol - Thanks!

Glad you enjoyed it - thanks again :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Karen - thank you! You're such a sweetie!!

It has been absolutely nuts around here - and yup I'm WAY behind on some things :) Thanks so much!

Julie Musil said...

That is awesome! Great job.

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

Pow! Great start and great unexpected end. Nice one :)
Lyn
W.I.P. It: A Writer's Journey

Jemi Fraser said...

Julie - Thanks - glad you enjoyed it :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Lynda - Thanks :)

It's always fun to write a twist isn't it? :)

Jackee said...

Cool, Jemi! Such suspense. :o) I loved it.

Thanks for sharing! Have a great week.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Jackee - I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

Enjoy the week too!

Helen Ginger said...

Excellent! You had me thinking she was the victim being stalked by a killer (which was, as it turned out, the truth). But the twist was that she was the evil one. Loved it.

Helen

Talli Roland said...

Wow! That's quite the ending! Love it, Jemi.

Jemi Fraser said...

Helen - Thanks :) I'm so glad the twist wasn't obvious at the beginning!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Talli - It was sure a fun scene to write :)

Matthew MacNish said...

I don't participate in these because I'm just not organized enough - but yours is awesome. Well done Jemi!

Jemi Fraser said...

Matthew - lol - that's a very good reason! It's so hard to get it all in!

Thanks so much - glad you enjoyed it :)

Patricia Stoltey said...

Good job. You've mastered the art of using short sentences to build tension.

Patricia

Jemi Fraser said...

Patricia - thanks :)

I love my short sentences - I have to go through first drafts and combine tons of short ones to change up the flow a little.

Jemi Fraser said...

Lisa Gail - lol :)

Sorry!! Glad you enjoyed it :)

Lydia Kang said...

Great job on the blogfest! What an ending!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Lydia - I'm glad you thought it all worked out well :)

Kristi Faith said...

Great job! I stayed hooked. :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Kristi - I'm glad the scene managed to keep you in the story :)

Theresa Milstein said...

Dang it. What an ending. It was a slice - I couldn't tell who was bad and who was good. But I rooted for the protagonist anyway.

Jemi Fraser said...

Theresa - thanks! It's usually the 'good guy' introduced first, so I thought this would be fun :) Glad it worked!

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

how interesting! You got some great description in there. Loved the part where you called the leaves 'yellow red and orange alarms.' Thanks for sharing!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Tamara - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

It's probably my favourite line in the piece too :)

Sara {Rhapsody and Chaos} said...

Love it Jemi! I LOVE the beginning =) I'm totally intrigued and want to know way more of the premise! Even if the ending makes me sad, lol.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Sara! It was fun to write - even with the sad ending! I'm usually all about those Disney endings :)

Elizabeth Mueller said...

Jemi! You are such a brilliant writer, girl! Wow, talk about true drama! Thanks for sharing your wonderful works! :D

Jemi Fraser said...

Awww - thanks Elizabeth! I'm so glad you found it worthwhile reading - I appreciate it :)

Kimberly Franklin said...

If it weren't for the "time factor" I could participate in a lot of fun stuff. But like you, I usually don't participate in blogfests. However, I'm glad you did because this piece was fantastic! Great job!!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Kimberly - what a nice thing to say :) I appreciate it!

Time is so hard to come by, isn't it? We need a time fairy to create a little bit more!

CATE said...

Wow Jemi, that was great. I got so engrossed I dropped my chocolate on the floor (and you KNOW that's saying something for me)

India Drummond said...

Very well done with a nice amount of tension. Thanks for sharing... a great read!

TerryLynnJohnson said...

WOW! You've been keeping a sneaky secret from us - that you're a FANTASTIC writer! You should post more!! MORE!!

Rebecca T. said...

Oh wow. I particularly liked the line "Orange, red and yellow alarms littered the ground."

That was just great.

Also, I left you a little something on my blog!

Jemi Fraser said...

Cate - yikes! Dropped chocolate is a SERIOUS compliment! :) Thanks!

Jemi Fraser said...

Kimberly - Thanks! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks India - I appreciate the kind words :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Terry Lynn - Awwww - thanks - you're such a sweetie! I'm so glad you liked it :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Rebecca - thanks so much! I'm glad you liked the line :)

I just got in from out of town - I'll pop on over once I'm caught up! Thank you!!