Thursday, August 23, 2012

Look!

The sweet and talented Stephanie Diaz tagged me the other day. This is another fun one!

RULES:

If you are tagged, do a search for the word "look" in your work in progress. Copy that paragraph, along with surrounding paragraphs, to your blog, to keep the game afloat. Don't forget to tag others.


Gotta say, I was kind of nervous about this one. Look/looked are words I tend to overuse. They show up whenever I wordle my stories to find those overused words. Anyway, here we go...

***
“Hey there, pretty girl. You hungry? Does that grass really fill you up?”

The chuckle behind her made her jump. “That’s a steer, not a cow. A male. Cows are female.” Hawk walked up beside her and grinned. “Steers make the best meat.”

Terrific. First she nearly fainted on him, then she babbled. Now he finds her talking to herself. Worse, to a cow. And insulting the animal into the bargain. “Steers? I thought male cows were bulls.”

He grinned and walked up to the fence, leaned his arms against the top rail. “We don’t raise bulls. They’re for stud work. We raise steers.” Her confusion must have shown, because he continued. “Bulls are all male. Steers are castrated. Makes them get along better.”

Castrated? She looked again at the cow – steer – on the other side of the fence. “Poor guy.”

 ***

Once again, if you'd like to play along, consider yourself tagged!

Is 'look' one of your overused words?

75 comments:

  1. Awwwww poor young lady!! But she comes across so sweet and Hawk so lovely and I love how the cows, bulls and steers take centre stage too!! Yay!!!!

    Take care
    x

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  2. Old Kitty - yup, she's out of her element at first, but I think she is a sweetie :)

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  3. I love this extract. It made me laugh out loud and your use of the word was so natural I had to read it through again to find it.

    I'm not sure if I use 'look' a lot but I hate it when people say 'like' in between every other word... or is that just a UK thing?

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  4. Alex - he thinks so! :)

    Rosalind - that's good to hear - thanks!! :) And 'like' is NOT just a UK thing - it drives me crazy too :)

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  5. Oh, you can feel the emotion and tension. Beautiful, Jemi! I'm so happy to have a moment to comment on your blog. I've missed you!!!! How are you???

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  6. Jackee - thanks - you're a sweetie! I've missed you too. I'm doing great though - I hope you are too. :)

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  7. LOL. I love the character's voice. :)

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  8. Golden Eagle - thanks! I hope others do too. :)

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  9. Funny! And informative! Enjoyed this!

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  10. And yes, I also normally have LOOK or EYES as the biggest cloud of overused words. Yikes. That and DOG, but I'm not too worried about that one.

    So I'm playing over on my blog.

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  11. Terry - awesome! Look forward to reading it :) And I have EYES everywhere too. Thankfully we can edit those first drafts!!! :)

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  12. I've just learned a new English word from your excerpt, Jemi :)

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  13. Carol - thanks! I hope it is :)

    Dezzy - really??? I wonder which one... :)

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  14. You're right... this is a cute tag...

    I liked your playful excerpt... Well done, Jemi.

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  15. Yes! It is! I found out by pasting my manuscript in word cloud!
    (I love your excerpt!)

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  16. Michael - it is a fun one! I'm bad at doing all the awards and tags, but I'm glad I did this one!

    Kelly - thanks! I love those wordles/word clouds. They are SO helpful for editing!! :)

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  17. Cute excerpt. I've been tagged, too (by someone else) and will post my snippet tomorrow.

    I try to pay attention to my use of "look" but in a first draft, I kind of not worry about it.

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  18. Stacy - thanks! I look forward to it :)

    I just let the first draft flow too - then I have to really take a good look at those overused words :)

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  19. oh my gosh! I love your mini excerpt. And yes, I way overuse look. They are everywhere in my first drafts, lol.

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  20. Lynda - thank you! Mine too! Thank goodness for wordle, cntl + F and the ability to edit :)

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  21. Well done, Jemi. And only one 'looked'!

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  22. Jeff - Thanks! Thankfully this ms has been wordled more than once! :)

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  23. Jemi, I love your excerpt! It's so nice to meet someone who knows the difference between a steer, a bull, and a cow!

    I will check my MS and see where "look" takes me.

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  24. Yvonne - thanks! I learned a lot writing this ms! :)

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  25. Awh that must be so embarrassing for your heroine! LOL! Sweet encounter, though.

    BTW I hope you don't mind me mentioning that I noticed a few tense changes in that excerpt.
    [e.g. she nearly faints.(ed) He grinned]

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  26. Madeleine - thanks! I know - I've written that section both ways. Because she's talking to herself, it sounds funny in the past tense too. Have to make a decision soon! :)

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  27. Lovely excerpt, Jemi! And I learned something new today, about steers :)

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  28. Diane - exactly! And fun to write :)

    Belle - thanks! I had a lot of fun researching this story :)

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  29. What a great excerpt! I think lots of us needed someone to clarify that point for us! I think look is probably one of my overused words- I will have to do a wordle to see.

    ~Jess

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  30. Jess - Thanks! I LOVE using Wordle to find those overused words. It's a great tool :)

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  31. I learned something new: I never knew what a steer was. Poor guy!

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  32. What a lovely excerpt, Jemi! And oh yes, 'look' is one I overuse, too.

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  33. Missed Periods - no kidding! I'm glad my MC isn't the only one who didn't know! :)

    Talli - thank you! Look is definitely one I have to look out for *sigh*

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  34. I totally overuse look. But then I try to take many of them out in the editing process.
    :)

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  35. Lydia - that's exactly what I do. I don't really care what shows up in the first draft because there's always the chance to fix it! :)

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  36. Very funny scene! Loved it. Steer didn't so much, I guess.

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  37. Lee - no, I'm guessing the steer isn't too happy about the whole thing :)

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  38. I learned something new. I didn't know that about steers.

    I was tagged, too. I'll post next week.

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  39. Medeia - I look forward to it! I'm glad my MC isn't alone in not knowing about steers!! :)

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  40. Fantastic excerpt!
    so... instead of a blog... here's mine LOL

    Stephanie looked at her mother and spat, “You don’t even know what our new home looks like?”
    Her mother shook her head. “I’ve only seen pictures, you know that.”

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  41. Michelle - that's a good excerpt! Now I want to know what it looks like!

    Charmaine - agreed!! :)

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  42. What a fun excerpt! I use look way too much, too. And smiled, etc.

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  43. Julie - thanks! And smiled shows up a lot for me too - and grinned and laughed... I apparently have a lot of happy people! :)

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  44. You have me so curious about your WIP. I've had to spray "look off" on my writing.

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  45. Leslie - thanks! :) We all have those words and phrases that just keep popping up, don't we? :)

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  46. I like it! Lots! Thanks for sharing!!

    I use to overuse look. Now it is was.

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  47. Jack - thanks! I'm pretty good about eliminating was, but I do have others... :)

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  48. This is such a cool tag. I'll have mine up on Friday. Yours is awesome. Poor cow or steer. :)

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  49. Ciara - it really is a fun one! Glad you enjoyed it! Looking forward to yours :)

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  50. omg--YES! I overuse "look" something fierce. That's a great passage, though! I have a lot of cows in my latest MS... :D <3

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  51. Leigh - isn't it a ridiculous word - it shows up univited all the time!!! :)

    I love that we both have cows! How awesome is that :)

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  52. I overuse look in my stories, too. :) I love this passage because I can just feel her awkwardness at being caught by Hawk. Great stuff!

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  53. Melissa - thanks! That's what I was hoping for!! :)

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  54. I don't know why you were nervous - I really enjoyed the excerpt. It certainly brought a smile to my face - I could feel her cringing!

    Thanks for welcoming me back to blogging x

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  55. Ellie - thank you!! I'm so glad - and I'm glad you're back too! :)

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  56. What a fun idea!

    Ha! I love this excerpt. My dog was neutered a couple of weeks ago, so he can relate!

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  57. Theresa - it's a fun tag! :)

    Poor puppy! they probably all wonder why the humans get to make all the big decisions :)

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  58. Jemi - I loved this and *cough* I learned something. This is a fun blog tag game thingy whatchamajig.

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  59. Kari - thank you! It's fun what you can learn when you're researching for your ms! :)

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  60. Poor cow indeed! Love the excerpt.

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  61. Jessica - thanks! I'm glad it was fun! :)

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  62. What a great tag -- loved the excerpt :-)

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  63. I like it! ANd yes, I use look, gaze, and eyes far too much. But that's what editing is for, right? ;)

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  64. I like it!
    And yes I over use look, gaze, and eyes far too much. But that's what editing is for, right? ;)

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  65. ah, so steers arent better than queers - from officer & a gentleman, no offense intended!
    never knew that tho!
    great piece!

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  66. PK - thanks! That's exactly what editing is for - and thank the writing gods and goddesses we can do it! :)

    Tara - It's been a long time since I saw that movie!!! Thanks :)

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  67. Thanks Agnes - glad you liked it! :)

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