Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Backhanded Compliments

You know them. Those words with their hidden meanings. The simple phrases that on the surface seem benign.

But they're not.

We know better than most that words have power. They have life. Strength.

Use them wisely. Carefully.

A few words nearly broke me a little while ago. They weren't meant with ill intent. At least I don't think they were.

The speaker thought she was being helpful. And funny.

She wasn't.

It's taken a while but I've built a scab over her words. I'm believing again. As I knew I would.

After all, my belief is part of me. Not her. Not in her words or her thoughts.

And I believe I can. I will.

One day.

36 comments:

  1. Words definitely have power...and so do hugs

    HUG!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Things meant in a humorous way are often the worst--hang in there, Jemi.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yes, we really need to watch our words. I've been working on that lately. Glad you got over what was said to you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The world was spoken into existence, so words do indeed have power.
    So sorry you were hurt. Good to have you back with us though.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Words are so incredibly hurtful! I'm so sorry to hear you've gone through this. And glad to hear you're being so strong and are keeping the faith.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lynda - they really do -thanks! :)

    Jeff - I will - thank you!

    Natalie - me too - I hate giving those kinds of words that kind of power.

    Alex - thank you - it's good to be back to myself :)

    Elizabeth - thanks - it took a bit, but I think I'm myself again! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Words can be sharper than any razor…

    But I learned in my many years of living, that in many cases we misinterpret the TONE of those words. The speaker didn't mean it to come out that way.

    SO many misunderstandings. That is why we must ALWAYS keep the lines of communication open. If something has hurt us or is bothering us we NEED to let the other person KNOW THIS. Nine times out of ten, their intent was to help.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm glad you've put the words away. I know you'll prove them wrong. Don't let them have any more power over you.
    Keep writing. I believe in you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. That old saying about sticks and stones really isn't true. I believe you will one day too.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sorry to hear about this, Jemi. It sounds painful. Words can hurt badly.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I guess we are all wondering whether it was something 'I' had said. I trust that is not the case.

    And you're right. Words have meaning, and names have power. And whoever said that words can't hurt them, were positively lying through their teeth!

    Take care sweetpea xo

    ReplyDelete
  12. Michael - I think that was the intent here - but it cut pretty deep. I'm often a coward about starting those discussions though!

    Ava - thanks so much! I'm learning to - but it's not always easy!

    Susan - thank you! At least I feel I'm getting closer :)

    Beth - thanks - I was surprised how much it hurt but I'm getting there :)

    Wendy - I never thought of that!! I wasn't someone who ever reads my blog. I wouldn't have posted this otherwise!! Thanks :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hi Jemi

    I am very sensitive to words. I believe you may be too. And some are not. There were so many times when I've been destroyed by words. So many. When I realized that I'm basically auditory, that is, I live through what I hear, I started to calm down a bit.

    Most writers are auditory. We hear conversations in our mind all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  14. People can be REALLY tactless with their words. I once had a graduate student adviser who wasn't a fan of my writing and said something like, "Don't worry, I used to be a terrible writer too." Seriously? All we can do is let those comments bounce off and eventually they won't sting as much.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Aww Jemi, I'm sorry that someone was so hurtful, even unintentionally. Words can and do hurt. Keep believing in what you know is true, though. That's what matters. <3

    ReplyDelete
  16. Truth number one - words wound. Truth number two - wounds heal. It may take time but it will happen. Hang in.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Maria - great point! I've never thought of it that way before but you're totally right!!

    Julie - yeesh! That's something else! People can be pretty dense!!

    Shelley - exactly! It's sometimes tough hanging on to that self belief - but I'm working on it :)

    Linda - thank you! I'm working on it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Other people's words used to hurt me so much. Not as much anymore, thank goodness. People should think before they speak.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Medeia - they should, but I can usually let things go pretty easily. This one cut but I'm progressing now!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hi Jemi,

    And you know you are better than the words that would cause you hurt. In fact, those words, a catalyst that actually makes you strong.

    Smile, Jemi, smile.

    Gary :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Gary - I will and I am! I'll think of them as my personal coat of armour! :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. I hope the scab heals quickly! Backhanded compliments can be upsetting- mostly because of our reaction to them. I think when we focus on the backhanded compliments we should spend just as much time basking in compliments.(I always wonder why I spend more time thinking about the negative, instead of thinking about the positive. I am working on it!)I guess our inner doubts have a lot of hold.

    Remember how wonderful you are! Hugs!
    ~Jess

    ReplyDelete
  23. I act like I'm not super sensitive, but words can knock me flat. Backhanded compliments always have a mean streak. Sorry you had to endure such a thing.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Jess - thanks! I need to work on focusing on the positives sometimes too :)

    Leslie - thanks - I wish I wasn't as sensitive but that's really hard to change!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it sounds like you are overcoming what was said. Good for you!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Catherine - thanks - I'm working on it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. It's dangerous to try for humor. I've gotten myself into trouble saying something I thought was just a funny jab, but was taken as hurtful. I hated myself and I did as much as I could to make amends. Thank goodness the person understood.

    Sorry. Glad you're believing again.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Lee - that's exactly why I didn't want to discuss it with the person - well that and the fact I'm a bit of a wimp with confrontation! :) I didn't want them to feel bad if it was all a misunderstanding!

    ReplyDelete
  29. It is true, how words can effect us. They can give us the courage to go on, or take away every will we have to do anything.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Jack - they are so powerful! I generally can brush things off and put them in perspective pretty easily, but this time took a little longer :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I believe in you too!
    Such a powerful post.
    Glad you were able to get up again.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thanks Terry! I'm glad to be 'back' too! :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. I've been there. It's a horrible feeling. Glad you feel "better", Jemi. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  34. Thanks Stina! It always gets better :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. After reading The Book Thief I really got a true sense of the value and power of words. Unfortunately like most things we don't often realize that power or abuse it.
    Sorry, hon.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Thanks Jennifer - I think that was the problem, this person didn't realize how hurtful she was being

    ReplyDelete