Monday, June 10, 2019

WEP Challenge -- Etoile

Cyla might never have seen a chick, or even an egg, but now she knew why they’d worked so hard to get out of those shells.

This tiny room wasn’t much larger than her bunk, and it felt like it was shrinking. The walls were covered in controls she didn’t understand. Wasn’t allowed to understand.

The explosions had stopped, but Darra hadn’t answered his link.

She’d snuck out to explore when Etoile had shaken so hard, Cyla had been tossed through an open door into this room. Darra would be so annoyed. She wasn’t supposed to leave their room without him—ever—and now she was trapped.

Cyla stood up and pressed the rectangle closest to the door, but nothing happened. Where was Darra? Why wouldn’t he talk to her? How was she supposed to get out?

Darra had told her red meant danger, so she didn’t want to press those controls. Black or blue?

She tried her link again, but when Darra didn’t respond, she pressed the highest button she could reach beside the door. Symbols flashed on the screen, but she hadn’t been taught symbols yet. Too young. Too dangerous.

A siren shrieked and Cyla ducked to cover her head. The steady shriek changed to a pattern. Three long, three short, three long bursts. A pause then repeat. Something else she hadn’t learned.

Etoile shuddered, sending Cyla crashing into one wall and then another. And another.

Battling tears, she steadied her hands against the sides of the room and pushed to her feet. She had to get out. Find Darra.

While Etoile lurched, Cyla tried pushing button after button. The only response was symbols on the screen. The door remained locked. She pounded her fists on it, calling for help.

Another jolt sent her flying and she couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

“Darra!”

The shaking continued, but Cyla gained her feet again and used her fists to slam all the non-red buttons she could reach. Nothing.

More controls sat higher than her head but there was nothing to stand on. Those had to be the ones. Cyla jumped and managed the first one. More symbols.

Screaming her frustration, she jumped again and again, slamming her fists into the wall.

The familiar hiss of doors opening had her smiling through the tears, but the door remained closed in front of her. A higher-pitched siren joined the other, this one screeching in short, repeated bursts.

A frigid wind rushed in behind Cyla and she tried to turn even as the wind wrapped around her and yanked her with it.

Away from her hiding place.
Away from Etoile.
Away from Darra.

She’d pushed the red button.




This story is part of the WEP/IWSG challenge. Check the link to find all the details and check out the other entries. It's fun to see how differently people interpret the challenge!

How about you? Any stories you're working on about being trapped? Anyone else feeling like a freed bird now that the nice weather has arrived?

71 comments:

Elizabeth Spann Craig said...

I love this, Jemi! Being trapped is something of a fear of mine and you hit all the notes. :) You write action really well.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Effective! If she's on a spaceship about to be launched into space, that's a very bad thing.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Oh, she shouldn't have started pushing buttons.

Elephant's Child said...

Love this. My claustrophobic self was panicking with her. The screaming of the siren just added to my stress. And I can only finish with saying more please. I do want to find where the wind has taken her.

Mason Canyon said...

Love it. I'm with Elephant's Child on wanting to know where she has been taken by the wind and what is going to happen next.

Jemi Fraser said...

I'm with you, Elizabeth! Those tight places ... shudder! :)
Thank you!!

Jemi Fraser said...

Definitely a bad thing!!

Jemi Fraser said...

Agreed :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Sue! I'm glad the sirens worked! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Mason! I wonder what's happened... :)

Natalie Aguirre said...

Great story. You do a great job keeping up the suspense. And what a great cliffhanger ending.

Kelly Steel said...

Great work building the suspense, Jemi!

Christopher Scott Author said...

A suspenseful well told tale. Well done.

Denise Covey said...

Jemi, love it from beginning to end. You maintained her panic from beginning to end. Your use of the senses was what made a good story idea great. All that wind, noise and fear and hitting buttons. Superbly scary. Yes. What happens next? We want more.

Denise Covey said...

And Jemi, the changes at WEP are experimental and may not pan out. Watch the WEP website for more...

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Natalie! Suspense is always fun to write! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Christopher!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Denise! I'll have to check in with Cyla to see what happens next! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

I'll keep my eyes open! It's a lot of work to run something like WEP and changes are inevitable!

Pat Garcia said...

Very well written and it captured my attention immediately. I love your play with the wind at the end of the story. Cyla could be anywhere.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Pat! It was a fun piece to write! :)

Olga Godim said...

Gosh, it is terrible to be trapped somewhere you don't understand and couldn't operate. The worst cage ever. So frightening.
I felt a little bit like that when I visited a foreign country where I didn't know the language. You suddenly become deaf and blind, especially if they use a different alphabet.

Jemi Fraser said...

The different alphabet would make things incredibly difficult! And scary - I haven't been in that situation yet. It would be overwhelming!

lissa said...

I'm imagining that she is in a spaceship and she got sucked out into space. but wherever she is, it doesn't sound good. Great story.

Have a lovely day.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Lissa!
Yes, things didn't end well for poor Cyla!

Ornery Owl of Naughty Netherworld Press and Readers Roost said...

I am tremendously claustrophobic and my chest tightened while reading this. Poor Cyla is a dreadfully unlucky soul.

Authors with Advice said...

Ohhh, the tension!

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Jemi - well poor Cyla ... sucked out into the open space of nothingness ... you've crafted the story really well. I am glad it's not me!! Cheers Hilary

Pat Hatt said...

Sure have to watch what buttons one pushes.

Jemi Fraser said...

Is it awful that I'm glad the piece evoked some tension in you???? :)

Jemi Fraser said...

I'm glad it's not me, too! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Avoid the red! :)

Beth Camp said...

Lovely story that shows the reader how much the lack of learning creates (in this story) both a real cage and closes off Cyla's ability to survive. Very powerful ending!

N. R. Williams said...

This is an interesting tale. I thought the red ones would free her, but instead they ensnared her even more.
Nancy

Sally said...

Oh, she escaped but did she jump out of the frying pan in to the fire? Excellent tension building. So scary not knowing what symbols mean.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Beth. Education is so important!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Nancy. They did indeed!

Jemi Fraser said...

It must be! I always think of the kids at school trying to understand different langauges and alphabets - must be so difficult!

Roland Clarke said...

Well crafted, Jemi, with the clever showing adding layers until that final shock - exiting the airlock cage. Love this use of the theme.

DMS said...

Bravo! A very intriguing piece and I like the way you crafted it. Nice work! :)
~Jess

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Roland! It was fun to write - but, poor Cyla!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Jess - it was a fun one to write! :)

Nilanjana Bose said...

Great excerpt and a creative take on the prompt. Tension done to a turn, I was right there with Cyla, panicking and pushing buttons and wondering what those beeps mean. And what a cliff hanger of an ending - from a claustrophobic 'cage' sucked into boundless space - a huge metaphor for a profound philosophical question. Secure in a cage or an unknown, boundless freedom? Brilliantly crafted and thought provoking.

Thanks for posting this flash at WEP.

L.G. Keltner said...

This story is brilliant and horrifying! I can only imagine the fear of being trapped in a tiny, unfamiliar room with no way out. That is, until she found a way out, but it certainly wasn't the one she was hoping for. That ending gave me chills. Brilliant!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thank you! It was fun going in a different direction - I'm enjoying all the different prompts with the WEP challenges!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, LG! Getting what we wish for doesn't always turn out the way we expect!

Carrie Ann said...

Oh wow, this one left me breathless, literally, as I am quite claustrophobic! Well Done!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Carrie! I could feel those walls closing in as well! :)

Tyrean Martinson said...

So that cage was a safe one, but ... she ran.

LD Masterson said...

Well, damn. I wasn't paying attention and thought I was reading a excerpt from something. I got all pulled in and ready to read more and poof.
Great job.

Kalpana said...

Your story is so unusual and although she has claustrophobia and keeps trying to open the door there's no sense of relief when she does because more danger awaits her. Great piece of writing.

Bernadette said...

Oooo. Scary... I wonder if there's a part 2 telling us where Cyla lands up.

Operation Awesome said...

I think you've captured on of those universal fears here - being trapped. But there's no respite when the opening door just offers more terror. Very claustrophobic.

Jemi Fraser said...

So difficult to know how safe the cage is at times!

Jemi Fraser said...

Poof! That pretty much describes the end for Cyla! :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Kalpana! Poor Cyla didn't get the escape she was hoping for!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Bernadette ... not so far! Who know though?

Jemi Fraser said...

It's so scary to feel like there's no way out, no matter the cage!

J Lenni Dorner said...

I liked this because it's relatable to me. I had been in situations where I didn't know what the words or symbols meant. The right random choice meant life, the wrong meant death or pain. I can understand the pain and frustration. It really comes through. The desperation. Very well done.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks! It's terrifying to not understand and to be so desperarte.

Rebecca M. Douglass said...

Fantastic job capturing the terror and the desperation that leads to irrational action. Making her a child (I presume) makes it more intense, though in her situation—tiny room, piercing noises you can’t shut out—I’d probably go just a crazy.

Jemi Fraser said...

You and me both! I don't like those panic-inducing situations either. And, yes, I imagined Cyla as a child. :)

Toi Thomas said...

Very suspenseful. You catpured that sense of being trapped so well. Perhaps she should have stayed away from buttons all together.

Jemi Fraser said...

I agree - that might have been better! :)

cleemckenzie said...

Wow! I was waiting for the "What Next!" However, leaving me to imagine it is quite enough.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Lee! :)
It's always fun to leave the reader hanging!

Azka Kamil said...

awesome article.
thanks for sharing :)

Elephant's Child said...

Congratulations on being short-listed in this WEP challenge. My claustrophobic self is still haunted by your tale.

Lisa said...

Oh dear! So sad, and very well done.

Jemi Fraser said...

Oops! Sorry about the claustrophobia :)
Congrats on your 2nd as well - well deserved!!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks so much, Lisa! :)