Wait. Watch. Wait.
Inside.
Hug the wall.
Be a shadow.
Remember the words.
Twelve.
Nothing. No things.
Up. Watch the broken bits. No time to waste.
Eleven.
Remember.
Remember the words.
Keep to the left. All to the left. Left left left.
Ten.
Up on the toes. Toes. Hurry.
Nine was hungry. Always hungry.
Up. Right. Up up up.
Eight.
Tippy tippy tippy.
Tap tap tap.
Tippy tap.
Tippy tippy tippy.
Tap tap tap.
Use the fingers.
Tippy tap.
Fingers.
Seven.
Remember the words.
Pass them along.
Don’t listen. Don’t listen.
Seven screams. Always screams.
Up up up.
Six.
Louder.
Up.
Right left right right right left right right.
Left left left.
Pass them on.
To who?
Five.
Head and shoulders.
Over the gap. Up and over.
Head and shoulders.
Over I go.
Me.
Four.
Knees and toes. Tap the knees and toes.
Tippy tap.
Eyes.
No, ears.
Eyes.
Ears and eyes. Ears and eyes.
So many ears and eyes.
Three.
Quiet.
Quiet.
Be a shadow.
Be a shadow.
Right.
Right right right.
Not there.
Over the gap.
Over the gap again.
Head and shoulders.
Two.
Remember.
Ears and nose.
Use the wall. Pull. Up and over.
Up and over.
Or down.
Down down down.
Pull.
Over.
One.
Eyes and nose.
Down.
Knees. Use the knees.
Hands.
Knees.
Under the blocks.
Over the blocks.
Behind the block.
Home.
Remember the words.
Words.
Who's there?
***
This post is part of the WEP Challenge.
You can find more info and the other posts by following the link. There is always an amazing range of stories following the prompt. There is still time to join if you like!
How about you? Any other sleep-deprived brains contributing to the writing?
55 comments:
Jemi, very intriguing. You always have such great twists and turns I never know what to expect - which is wonderful!
Thanks, Mason. This one is definitely from the road less taken! :)
So many questions.
Very intriguing.
Nicely done.
Yes, that could have so many meanings. Well done!
Wow! That was great. :-)
Anna from elements of emaginette
Yes, WOW! As you can see I"m at a loss for words...
Thanks, Toi - my brain can be a very strange place :)
Thanks Alex - gotta love ambiguous stories!
Thanks, Anna! It was fun :)
LOL - my brain can be a very strange place - it's always fun to see what pops out :)
Letting your brain loose took us to an intriguing place. A place of questions. A place without clear answers.
Lots to ponder - and thank you.
Thanks, Sue - it's fun to just let things flow and see where they go :)
Intriguing, and definitely on the cryptic side! Makes me want just a little more to get a toehold on the meaning (see what I did there? :D)
LOL - I see what you did!!
I wondered if it was a little too murky but I was going for a failing mind surrounded by chaos so murky it is!
I'm guessing this is the road home. A dangerous, uncertain road. Maybe...
You got the atmosphere exactly - a young boy rushing home, presumably black and scared (with reason). I'm glad he made it home. This time.
Hi,
You have managed to point out a scene in each verse that could describe a horror. The Word seven could be girls being raped and reminded not to scream, the word Six could be soldiers marching but where to and in what time.
I enjoyed thinking about each number and the historical time it would fit in.
Good job.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G
It is - thinking it was far murkier than I thought though! :)
I'm glad he did as well!
Thanks Pat - there are definitely too many horrors to choose from!
This was clever Jemi and very very creative. So initially I thought it was all about soldiers because we just had something about soldiers here at the Indo China border. So maybe my mind was at it. But then I also saw something about women there. Then I read the comments and went back. So then I realised it was a lot many horrors and nightmares. Am I right??
Sonia from https://soniadogra.com
Lots of horrors and nightmares for him as he tries to make his way home :)
Yes Jemi, sometimes our brains and inspirations take us to strange places. I think I'd like to come back and read and ponder further and fill in the blanks. I get the horror feel, but can't put my finger on what the horror is and whose horror is it. I'll be back.
Great response to the prompt.
It sounds like something unseen lurks in the shadows, the sort of thing that one tells oneself that it isn't real--but what if it is?
Unique and creative take on the prompt. So many horrors, so many nightmares, so few escape routes...glad he made it home.
Like a ballet lesson in a dark and evil place.
I was going for murky - but it's murkier than I intended! :)
Thanks - there are lots of horrors lurking for sure!
Thanks Nila - it was a fun one to write :)
Love that description!
There are so many possibilities living in the spaces this poem creates. I also love the way you used pacing and rhythm to build the tension. Wonderful!
Thanks! It was a fun write :)
Interesting way to remember how to sneak to somewhere.
It sure is - only safe way home! :)
Thought-provoking poem with a dark rich atmosphere and beguiling rhythm. You've created an intense piece. The countdown added to the pulse - with home seeming a desperate sanctuary, perhaps.
Yes! Heading for the tentative safety of home!
The ambiguity makes it even scarier. Nice job.
The story changed in my mind as I progressed. Well done!
Hi Jemi - I certainly didn't know which way the story was going ... or the telling - as the others have said ... so many ways ... but I sure hope it's an ending with hope. Take care - Hilary
Thanks, Helen - it was a fun one to write :)
Thanks Shannon - I had fun with it :)
Thanks Hilary - there's always hope!
I read it out loud as a one act play. That was intense. The music of the words took me back to my college days and there was plenty of room for the imagination. Well done!
Thanks Karuna - words are fun when they flow!
This is, indeed, thought provoking with many different links for many people.
Yep - it's definitely a little outside the box! :)
So refreshing Jemi, thank you for gifting us this original poem. Wishing you an inspiring summer of exciting writing.
SusAn Rouchard.
Thanks so much, Susan. It was a fun one to write, I do like sideways writing somedays :)
This is such an interesting take on the prompt. As I was reading it, I kept looking for the meaning or significance. But all I kept coming back to was the games kids play in their heads--repetition of mantras drummed into them by parents or teachers--combined with distractions of tapping their feet or fingers. There's something dark in your words, so that tied in as nervousness and trying to hide. Or something... As everyone else has mentioned, there is so much potentially going on in this piece! Great work though!
I love how you turned this into a poem. You did a really good job with this difficult subject.
A poem with a great sense of rhythm, that possess some sinister overtones. Well done.
Thanks Donna. I could have been more clear, but I was going for a failing and terrified mind so it was a fine line to walk :)
Thanks, Christopher :)
What a great rhythm and haunting words. Bravo!
~Jess
Thanks Jess - it was fun :)
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