Tuesday, October 19, 2021

WEP Challenge & Predator

Predator

Nella squeezed her eyes shut and opened her mouth slightly. She couldn’t make a sound, not even the sound of a breath.

Her blood roared through her veins and every muscle strained to move. Run. Get away. Go!


But there was nowhere to go. Nowhere to run.


Adrenaline surged and bounced around inside, making her fingers twitch where they hugged her knees into her chest.


No movement. No sound.


Air in, air out.


Slow the breathing. Slow the blood. Slow the brain.


She had to listen, had to hear. But the white noise of panic filled her head.


In and out.


Nella squeezed her toes and relaxed them. The quietest way she could think of to use up some of the adrenaline-fuelled energy.


Slowly, the panic flashes behind her eyes receded and the white noise ebbed. She only hoped it wasn’t too slowly.


She opened her eyes a slit and then a little more. Blackness surrounded her. She couldn’t see. No one could see.


Could it see in the dark? Could it smell her fear and her panic? Were her tiny breaths audible?


A scrape cut the air.


The smallest of sounds. The largest of threats.


Breathe in. Breathe out. Curl the toes, relax. Look. Don’t move.


Blood raced again. Air thickened and refused to process.


Another scrape.


Nella squeezed her lips together. Pressed down hard.


Her breathing quickened and tears built in her eyes.


When light blazed around her, into her, through her, Nella released the scream.


But the predator was the only one who heard.



***

Tagline: When there's nowhere to run



***

The WEP Challenge for this month is The Scream!



You can join the challenge until October 22. We'd love to have even more writers participating!


There are so many ways to interpret a prompt and the WEP writers always produce entertaining stories!


We're asking writers to include a short tagline/blurb with their stories. But, we'll write one up if you struggle to find one or forget!


Looking forward to the entries!


50 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

I felt her tension and her fear. And forgot to breathe as I read on...

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Sue! Fear is such a difficult emotion to express at times - glad it came across!

Debbie D. said...

Spellbinding! I was almost holding my breath, as well. "White noise of panic" is a clever phrase.

Susan B.Rouchard said...

thank you Jemi for this halting narrative poem. So full of breath sucking rhythm and beat. fits the painting beautifully.

Natalie Aguirre said...

This was a great poem that kept me wanting to read. It was so suspenseful from the beginning.

Steph W. said...

Chills! Very perceptive of our body's response to the ultimate fear.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Debbie! Glad you enjoyed it!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Susan! I love when writing has rhythm!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Natalie - it was a fun one to write!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Steph!!

cleemckenzie said...

Nicely suspenseful, Jemi! I loved the short, breath-holding lines to build tension. Great job.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Lee - it was a fun one to write!

N. R. Williams said...

A scrape cut the air! Love that line. Chilling. Never seeing what is out there is indeed terrifying. Well done.
Nancy

Olga Godim said...

Great story, Jemi. So much tension. I felt I was there, with her, awash with terror.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Nancy! It's always fun to write the scary ones :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks Olga - I'm such a wimp - I'd have been screaming long before Nella!

Lenny Lee said...

Oh, wow, what a scary story. Kept me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens. Great descriptions of how the body tries to fight fear. The ending is perfect.

Nilanjana Bose said...

Brilliant! I was there right beside her, trying to fight the panic and breathing slowly.

Pat Garcia said...

Hi,
Excellent! I was hoping for a rescue, but there was none.
Shalom aleichem

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Jamie - a wonderful exposition to the painting and prompt ... I thought that when the light came the ending was perfect ... as it pierced her, in, out and around her ... she could and had to release the scream ... well written - cheers Hilary

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks so much, Lenny! Your story is all about fear too!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Nila - I do that when I'm reading too! And writing!

Jemi Fraser said...

Not this time - flash is always so different from my usual stories!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Hilary! Writing fear is always fun - which might say something about me... :)

Yolanda Renée said...

"Writing fear is always fun" :) And my lady, you do it so well!!!
Just spellbinding! Truly masterful!

Jemi Fraser said...

You're the master so that comment totally made my day!!

L.G. Keltner said...

You did an amazing job building tension here! Well done!

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Super job! I loved how you structured your sentences to add tension.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Laura! It was a fun one :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Sharon! It was a fun write!

Michael Di Gesu said...

Excellent build-up to THE SCREAM!

Kalpana said...

Her fear was so palpable, and the need to remain quiet so intense that it was almost a relief that she could let out that SCREAM when she was found. Till I read the last line.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Michael!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Kalpana! It was a fun write!

Shilpa Gupte said...

I was holding my breath all along! Brilliant writing, Jemi!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks so much, Shilpa! Fear is fascinating to write!

Jemima Pett said...

I liked the idea but I felt it was over-described, which lost the tension for me. But hey, I'm definitely in the minority!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Jemima - we all have different tastes, which is all part of the fun!

Anstice Brown said...

Chilling and intense. I like it!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Anstice!

Jamie said...

Excellent tension! Very enjoyable

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Jamie!

Romance Reader said...

Well written Jemi.

Jemi Fraser said...

Thank you! It was a fun one :)

Edix said...

Good rendition of terror!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks!

Roland Clarke said...

Well-crafted scary build-up to the scream nobody heard - but read with trembling pleasure.

Nas said...

Tension build up is good, Jemi!

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks, Roland!! It's always fun to write fear :)

Jemi Fraser said...

Thanks so much, Nas!